New music, new scent, new life

Have you ever notice how certain music, perfume or even food remind you of a distinctive period of your life?

Right now, there are two things that clearly herald a new era in my life.

KT Tunstall - Eye to the Telescope. I've been listening to her album day in, day out for the past few weeks. She has an amazingly raw, edgy and earthy voice that resonates with honesty, clarity and truth. Whenever I play "Eye to the Telecscope", I'm instantly grounded and assured that my life is turning out for the better. It's the only thing that's keeping me going, at the moment.
Acqua diParma - Iris Nobile. Bought this pricey perfume spray from the posh Harvey Nichols deparmental store at Hong Kong Central during my HK trip. I love the iris scent which is very feminine, classy and elegantly soft.

Still, I haven't any clue to how my life will unfold, who will come into my life, what will be the next best thing in my life. But I have enormous faith that I'm heading for bigger and better things in my life.

Cheap cooking trick

After watching Nigella Lawson's TV cooking series, I've learnt one simple way to cook chicken. And all you need is a bottle of sauce (peri-peri, teriyaki, etc), one clove of garlic and a plastic bag.

1. Finely chop one clove garlic.

2. Take chicken pieces (wing, drummet or whatever you fancy) and place them in an unused plastic bag or you may use Miss Lawson's favourite Ziploc bags.

3. Add chopped garlic to chicken pieces in the bag. ( You may add pepper or chilis or parsley)

4. Pour whatever sauce you like. I like Nando's peri-peri and garlic sauce.

5. Secure bag with rubber band and shake bag to ensure sauce marinate evenly.

6. Toss bag in freezer to marinate for as long as you like.

7. When you are ready to cook the marinated chicken, thaw for 2-3 hours. Next, heat the pan, add some oil and stir-fry them. Voila! Easy peasy yummy chicken.

Today, I marinated two different flavours using Nando's Peri-Peri Sauce and Kikkoman Teriyaki sauce. Now I've one bag of peri-peri chicken and one bag of teriyaki chicken in the freezer. They should be nicely marinated and deeply infused with peri-peri and teriyaki flavours by Saturday. *smacking lips*

Compulsively cookbook mad

I was utterly bored out of my mind today. And I got myself a cookbook which I really don't need. Yeah, other women impulse-buy clothes, I go buy cookbooks. You see, I was wandering at 1Utama by myself and I had the Times Bookshop Birthday voucher (where I get 20% +RM3 off) in my bag. November is my birthday month. Yes, I'm officially a year older.
For the past 3 years, I've refrained from getting this cookbook. The recipes inside are pretty much what I've in my other baking cookbooks. Let's not forget that I've 18 baking cookbooks.

But the gorgeous photos of the cakes, cookies, breads and pies inside all look so incredibly delicious, elegant, classy and irresistible. I swear Donna Hay has made Modern Classics 2 the most beautiful photos you could possibly find in a baking cookbook.

So today, I was bored and weak will, which doesn't happen on most days. I couldn't fight any resistance. "Tak boleh tahan, already..." Before my rational mind kicks in, I quickly grabbed a copy of 'Modern Classics 2' and marched to the cashier counter and duly paid for it.

Now I have to justify my compulsive purchase by baking recipes from this cookbook. They all look pretty basic and easy to make. I'll let you know how it goes. Watch out for my next baking post. ;)

Solitude antidote

Apart from the sparse and sudden bouts of sheer loneliness, I'm enjoying my total reclusion.

It's the best antidote to getting unstuck from a career which isn't going anywhere, from a social circle which is getting irritatingly repressive, from life which doesn't seem exciting anymore.

Every evening, I'd come home and the first thing I'd do is switch the phone off. I don't even watch tv now. I find the flickering screen distractingly noisy and unsettling.

So I read lots. I even found interesting websites to read- Salon.com, Vanity Fair, The New Yorker. I discovered a fine essayist, Joan Didion whose work resonates clarity and honesty (which is what I need at the moment). I also found a perfect french pear tart recipe.

Strange how a few years ago, I was yearning to have a flourishing social life with a wide circle of friends.

Now I don't even want to go out during the weekends. I'd do anything to stay home and spend quiet time alone.

Becoming a permanent recluse

Have you ever felt the need to step out of the world and just live for yourself?

Ever since I came back from Hong Kong, I've been feeling out of sorts with my surroundings. I don't connect with people anymore. I'd get impatient with anyone who indulge in petty gossip. I'm so disconnected with the world around me.

I'm slowly becoming a recluse. I reject companionship from others. I'd much rather stay at home, read for hours and be with myself. I've lost the need to connect with others. I've no need for social invitations, outings, not even a friend's company.

Books are my life, right now. When I'm stuck, I'd open a book and sure enough, there'd be a one-liner that pops up from the page delivering the answer to my problem. When I'm bored, I'd read a poem and feel instant joy from the exquisite way words create images in my mind. A good poetry delights me with its surprising way of looking at ordinary things in the most extraordinary manner.

I don't know how long this reclusion period is going to last. I need to find some answers to my life right now.

Post-breakup lunch

I had lunch with my ex-boyfriend, Mr. J yesterday.

It's strange how comfortable we're with each other, now that we're not seeing each other. We're back to talking, laughing and sharing stories. He still makes me laugh. It's been yonks since I saw his eyes crinkle when he laughs. It's been months since I've seen him looking well-rested, calm and happy. I won't deny that my heart skipped a beat when I saw him at his best, relaxed self. That's the real him whom I like very much and respect.

He's making a huge effort to slowly diminish clubbing out of his life. And even cutting down on cigarettes. Simply because in the past, I had refused to kiss his foul-tasting mouth, after his puffing those nasty cigarettes.

I know you're all dying to know- "Are you guys getting back together?"

Nope. We're not getting back together although we still like each other. Yesterday, he held my hand and wouldn't let go while chatting and lunching. And I couldn't take my hand out of his.

When he said goodbye to me, his face fell and his eyes were filled with sadness. But quickly, he pulled himself together and grinned at me and tapped my nose lightly. I smiled back and said goodbye.

For once, I didn't walk away with any lingering hope or heavy regret. One thing I know for sure. I'm moving on to the unknown.

Baking bliss

To me, happiness is lying on my bed, with my cookbooks sprawled around me while I randomly flip through pages contemplating on what to bake.

This afternoon, I had the most luxurious time alone, baking a sherry cherry cake. It was a typical british teatime cake which I found on a British daily website - The Guardian.

The cake was crumbly, moist and just delicious. The recipe was really easy and quick to make. It's one of the easiest cake I've ever baked. Really, baking is my feel-good activity. The sheer delight of seeing the golden brown crust of the cake and the gentle, sweet aroma wafting to the whole house reminds me that I could stay home alone all day and do nothing but bake.

However, yesterday was a big contrast - I was surrounded with people and yet, I was a complete grouch. I went to a Raya Open House with two single 40-something women, whom one of them was a client. It was an obligatory outing as I thought I do my small part on pleasing the client, outside work. But I was utterly wrong.

Both of them unwittingly made me feel disappointed with my single self. I was interrogated on my single status and reminded that I've still got time to make more 'relationship mistakes'. Soon, it dawned on me that I was glaringly single again.

Ever since, I broke up with Mr. J, I've never really sat down and thought about my single self. At the end of the day, I was tetchy, irritated and was in dire need of solitude. I wanted so badly to get away from those two hopelessly desperate women.

Today, I realised what I've been missing. Over the past few months, my life has been crowded with people and social outings which I wasn't particularly keen of. I barely had time alone to hear myself think.

Honestly, solitude is the best company I could ever ask for.