It's not bad as you think

Sometimes in the quiet of the night, Mr. J and I would pour ourselves a glass of beer and chat. More like catching with each other with our busy work schedules.

Last week, he asked if I ever felt lonely. I was really surprised when he asked.
- What do you mean, really?
- I mean, you hardly go out. Your phone hardly rings. Your social life is too quiet.
- What's wrong with that?
-It's just that I wish you have a fuller social life but you seem happy and contended. Doing your own thing. Sometimes, I worry about that. You don't have many girlfriends.

I do but they are scattered across the globe and I've one true girlfriend in KL.

I must admit that my social circle of friends has dwindled over the years. My dearest friends are overseas - New York, Hong Kong, London and Singapore. And those are my closest friends I've always kept close to my heart. And when our paths cross, we'd naturally pick up from our last meeting point, regardless of time and distance spaced out between us. No awkward silences. Just full of non-stop chatter, laughter and catching up. I cherish those friendships so much because they feel so easy, comfortable and natural. Like putting on a pair of old broken-in jeans. Over the years, I learnt that true friends take time to develop. They don't demand anything of you. They come to you and you don't go out seeking for them.

I must also admit that it's hard for me to find that kind of special friendship here in KL. Outwardly, I am very sociable and chatty, but inwardly, I'm intensely private and like to keep certain things like my relationship and family background privy only to those close to me.

And those who are close to me I can count with one hand.

I have one close girlfriend in KL and it's strange how we meet like twice in a year. And yet, everytime we meet up, we have so much to talk and tell each other. Ellie is one girl I can relate to. I met her at my last workplace and both of us share many things - love art, appreciate beautiful things, cherish our families, have similar views on men and relationship.

There was a time when I actually tried to make some "girlfriends". This was after watching too much Sex & the City and I felt inadequate - not having a group of girlfriends. But the forced friendships were contrived, unnatural and superficial. The girls I met turned out to be toxic bitches in the end. Now I've accept that perhaps, at this stage of my life, I'd only have one true friend in KL.

But in place of the non-existent social life, I found myself getting to know my extended family members. I've ample time to visit my cousins and their babies, bake birthday cakes for my relatives, have lunch with cousin Annie. It made me closer to my extended family and sometimes, I'd announce to people that my family include the 30-odd relatives from my mum's clan.

My uncles have helped me so much in giving me advice on getting property, setting up my business, car problems, diy fix-ups, all the manly stuff. Aunts has been imparting me with their wisdom on how to sustain a marriage, how to get the man to treat you with respect, how to be a lady, parenthood (not applicable at the moment, though), how to get your man to listen to you without the constant nagging. All these life skills I couldn't have gotten from any self-help manuals.

Even with a non-existing social life, I'm perfectly happy with one girlfriend in KL, the global girlfriends and my mum's clan. Plus work and books to read fill up my time nicely and going out with Mr. J.

"Count your blessings. Be happy with what you've got."

That's how I live through this non-existing social life period.

Dresses in waiting

I just realised last week that I absolutely hate clothes shopping. I'd rather shop for furniture/household/decor things. They are so much easier to shop as they give more value per usage.

To me, clothes shopping means buying a dress for an occasion - weddings or functions; which also means parting a huge chunk of my hard-earned money for a dress I'd probably wear only once.

I'm dead fussy when it comes to buying that one dress.

It has to fit. I have to like the design. The colour must be flattering to my skintone. The design must be classic/versatile enough to withstand fashion trends. And I must love it so much that I can't bear to walk of the shop without the dress.

Eureka shopping moments are such rarity that they happen once in a blue moon. As a result, I've dresses that I've bought and regulated to the wardrobe, waiting to be worn. Some not worn in years.

When I attended Laine's wedding a few months ago, she asked what was I going to wear? I replied, a green baby doll dress which I bought from Zara that has been hanging in my wardrobe in the past 2 years.

I clearly remember buying that Zara dress because I absolutely loved the moss green paisley cloth design of the dress. I bought it even though I hadn't any occasion to wear it at that time. And the green Zara dress sat in my wardrobe for 2 years before a suitable occasion came along.

Last week, I was looking for a suitable dress to wear for a wedding banquet dinner. I found a really nice dress at Eclipse - bottle green cocktail dress with black lace cape sleeves. It fitted well and I liked the colour and design but the hem was fraying a bit. And I was not willing to pay RM470 for a dress that was fraying a little. I was a little upset when I left the shop as I had 2 weeks to find a dress.

I was chatting with a friend online today and lamented to him on how I've a wedding dinner next week and nothing to wear. He (my arty gay friend) suggested a cheongsam. Suddenly I remember having a gorgeous pale orange chiffon cheongsam with silver sparkly flower motif (which I've never worn) hanging in my wardrobe in the past 5 years.

Quickly, I went to my wardrobe and and tried on the cheongsam. It was perfect! Just the right dress to attend a formal wedding dinner held at a swank hotel (plus the bride's parents are terribly traditional Chinese).