It's not bad as you think
Sometimes in the quiet of the night, Mr. J and I would pour ourselves a glass of beer and chat. More like catching with each other with our busy work schedules.
Last week, he asked if I ever felt lonely. I was really surprised when he asked.
- What do you mean, really?
- I mean, you hardly go out. Your phone hardly rings. Your social life is too quiet.
- What's wrong with that?
-It's just that I wish you have a fuller social life but you seem happy and contended. Doing your own thing. Sometimes, I worry about that. You don't have many girlfriends.
I do but they are scattered across the globe and I've one true girlfriend in KL.
I must admit that my social circle of friends has dwindled over the years. My dearest friends are overseas - New York, Hong Kong, London and Singapore. And those are my closest friends I've always kept close to my heart. And when our paths cross, we'd naturally pick up from our last meeting point, regardless of time and distance spaced out between us. No awkward silences. Just full of non-stop chatter, laughter and catching up. I cherish those friendships so much because they feel so easy, comfortable and natural. Like putting on a pair of old broken-in jeans. Over the years, I learnt that true friends take time to develop. They don't demand anything of you. They come to you and you don't go out seeking for them.
I must also admit that it's hard for me to find that kind of special friendship here in KL. Outwardly, I am very sociable and chatty, but inwardly, I'm intensely private and like to keep certain things like my relationship and family background privy only to those close to me.
And those who are close to me I can count with one hand.
I have one close girlfriend in KL and it's strange how we meet like twice in a year. And yet, everytime we meet up, we have so much to talk and tell each other. Ellie is one girl I can relate to. I met her at my last workplace and both of us share many things - love art, appreciate beautiful things, cherish our families, have similar views on men and relationship.
There was a time when I actually tried to make some "girlfriends". This was after watching too much Sex & the City and I felt inadequate - not having a group of girlfriends. But the forced friendships were contrived, unnatural and superficial. The girls I met turned out to be toxic bitches in the end. Now I've accept that perhaps, at this stage of my life, I'd only have one true friend in KL.
But in place of the non-existent social life, I found myself getting to know my extended family members. I've ample time to visit my cousins and their babies, bake birthday cakes for my relatives, have lunch with cousin Annie. It made me closer to my extended family and sometimes, I'd announce to people that my family include the 30-odd relatives from my mum's clan.
My uncles have helped me so much in giving me advice on getting property, setting up my business, car problems, diy fix-ups, all the manly stuff. Aunts has been imparting me with their wisdom on how to sustain a marriage, how to get the man to treat you with respect, how to be a lady, parenthood (not applicable at the moment, though), how to get your man to listen to you without the constant nagging. All these life skills I couldn't have gotten from any self-help manuals.
Even with a non-existing social life, I'm perfectly happy with one girlfriend in KL, the global girlfriends and my mum's clan. Plus work and books to read fill up my time nicely and going out with Mr. J.
"Count your blessings. Be happy with what you've got."
That's how I live through this non-existing social life period.
Last week, he asked if I ever felt lonely. I was really surprised when he asked.
- What do you mean, really?
- I mean, you hardly go out. Your phone hardly rings. Your social life is too quiet.
- What's wrong with that?
-It's just that I wish you have a fuller social life but you seem happy and contended. Doing your own thing. Sometimes, I worry about that. You don't have many girlfriends.
I do but they are scattered across the globe and I've one true girlfriend in KL.
I must admit that my social circle of friends has dwindled over the years. My dearest friends are overseas - New York, Hong Kong, London and Singapore. And those are my closest friends I've always kept close to my heart. And when our paths cross, we'd naturally pick up from our last meeting point, regardless of time and distance spaced out between us. No awkward silences. Just full of non-stop chatter, laughter and catching up. I cherish those friendships so much because they feel so easy, comfortable and natural. Like putting on a pair of old broken-in jeans. Over the years, I learnt that true friends take time to develop. They don't demand anything of you. They come to you and you don't go out seeking for them.
I must also admit that it's hard for me to find that kind of special friendship here in KL. Outwardly, I am very sociable and chatty, but inwardly, I'm intensely private and like to keep certain things like my relationship and family background privy only to those close to me.
And those who are close to me I can count with one hand.
I have one close girlfriend in KL and it's strange how we meet like twice in a year. And yet, everytime we meet up, we have so much to talk and tell each other. Ellie is one girl I can relate to. I met her at my last workplace and both of us share many things - love art, appreciate beautiful things, cherish our families, have similar views on men and relationship.
There was a time when I actually tried to make some "girlfriends". This was after watching too much Sex & the City and I felt inadequate - not having a group of girlfriends. But the forced friendships were contrived, unnatural and superficial. The girls I met turned out to be toxic bitches in the end. Now I've accept that perhaps, at this stage of my life, I'd only have one true friend in KL.
But in place of the non-existent social life, I found myself getting to know my extended family members. I've ample time to visit my cousins and their babies, bake birthday cakes for my relatives, have lunch with cousin Annie. It made me closer to my extended family and sometimes, I'd announce to people that my family include the 30-odd relatives from my mum's clan.
My uncles have helped me so much in giving me advice on getting property, setting up my business, car problems, diy fix-ups, all the manly stuff. Aunts has been imparting me with their wisdom on how to sustain a marriage, how to get the man to treat you with respect, how to be a lady, parenthood (not applicable at the moment, though), how to get your man to listen to you without the constant nagging. All these life skills I couldn't have gotten from any self-help manuals.
Even with a non-existing social life, I'm perfectly happy with one girlfriend in KL, the global girlfriends and my mum's clan. Plus work and books to read fill up my time nicely and going out with Mr. J.
"Count your blessings. Be happy with what you've got."
That's how I live through this non-existing social life period.
posted by Cupcake Queen at 6:52 AM
3 Comments:
I'd say better to have 1 true friend than all the toxic bitches of the world. It's the quality, not quantity that matters in the end.
I have my close friends scattered around the world too. But I know that when in time of need, I can still depend on their emotional support, regardless the distance
Cheer up. You are already very lucky.:-)
Finally, someone who doesn't equate the number of friends to the degree of happiness. I totally agree with you. Why waste time on toxic friendships when you can enjoy your own company much more!
Wow, such long comments. Thanks, gals for the reminders. I was starting to feel a bit freakish.
Also, need to remind Mr. J that it's easier for men to maintain their male bonding friendships.
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