Addiction to lunch dates

A few months ago, I made a contract to myself:

I, Cupcake Queen, hereby commit to self- restraint whenever I have this inexplicable urge to call Mr. J out to lunch. I will endeavour to not call Mr. J, no matter what circumstances. I will also terminate all form of contact with Mr. J. Most importantly, I will do my best to live my life fully and focus on with my work, interests and hobbies.

This contract is solely with myself and carries no rewards, punishments or penalties other than those associated with the reflection of the strength of my character.

Signed,
Cupcake Queen, 5 August 2004

This morning, my fingers were itching to dial his number and ask him out for lunch. Who am I kidding, really? I'm supposed to have "lost" his contact no. as I lost my phone during a work trip to Singapore last month. And the contract. The CONTRACT!!! I swear I had temporary amnesia this morning and completely forgotten about the CONTRACT.

Then, I remembered the red flags. And I remembered how addicted I was to lunch dates with Mr. J.

Mr. J is one of the very few men who has this big effect on me. Just seeing him in person gives me a huge emotional rush. I would be high and giddy with happiness for the next few days and then BOOM! I'd come crashing back to reality with the cold, harsh truth - he hasn't called me all this while. He just isn't into me.

While signing the contract above, I realised I have this addiction to meet him and need my fix to get high from occasional lunch dates with him.

Today, I scored another point against this addiction.

*triumphant fist in the air*

Spicing up my weekend

Am craving for something spicy and flavourful. My taste buds are hankering for some Indian food. Flipped through my one and only Indian cookbook - Brit Spice by Manju Malhi. Tonight, I shall cook Masala Roast Chicken and Eggplant Gram Fritters.

*Drool*

Becoming uncool

Last week, I received this phone call from my "big crush of the year". Met Mr. J earlier this year and he was my first crush in years. Everything about him was fabulous and he fitted my criteria of my ideal man - well-mannered, taller than me, nice personality, sexy smile, perfect teeth. I liked what I saw in him and decided to take matters into my hands. I started asking him out for lunch- to keep things short and sweet. Everytime, we meet for lunch, I found myself growing more and more attracted to him. He made me feel cuddly and there was this spark between us. I lusted for him for months but the guy didn't do a single thing. No phone calls, no SMS, no emails. Nothing. Nada.

Nevertheless, I got frustrated and red flags started appearing. I'd pick up magazines randomly and phrases jump up to me, like "You can't force things if a man doesn't call or isn't interested, there's very little you can do - you have to move on" and "Honey, if the man doesn't call, he ain't interested in you." Okay, I got the message loud and clear and willed myself to not call J out for lunch anymore.

Then, last week, Mr. J called. It went like this:
Me: Hello..
J: Hey....(in a drawl)
Me: Who's this???? ( for a sec, i didn't recognise his no. and wasn't sure of the male voice)
J: J..
Me: Oh, hello.. what's up?..
J: What are you doing tonite?
Me: Relaxing, reading and watching tv.. the usual...
J: Want to come out?
Me: Where to?
J: Dunno yet. Might go meet some friends at Velvet Underground or Passion..
Me- (panic setting in as I'm the antithesis of a partying woman) Sorry, I've got classes t'row.
J: Oh... ok.. maybe we'd do lunch next week..
Me: Yes, that'd be nice...

I hung up and was mildly irritated as he knows clearly well that I don't do clubbing. I told him before -"It's bad for my ears, my hair stinks of cig smoke, everything is so contrived, everyone is faking that they're having fun, I need my 9 hours of sleep, I feel ridiculous clubbing, etc. blah, blah, blah."

Maybe 5 years ago, I would have relented. But now I know for sure,
I absolutely hate clubbing. It's a pointless and time-wasting activity. Some die-hard clubbing fanatics told me they are energised by the constant activity and music at a nightclub. But how do you socialise and meet people when the music is blaringly loud?

Sometimes, I feel J views me as "uncool" because all I want to do during the weekend is stay home, relax, do nothing but read and watch tv. But I get my precious 9 hours of sleep and while everyone is busy getting ready clubbing on Friday nights, I'm busy baking cookies and cakes.

Dangerously low

Today, I saw the perfect little black dress at MNG. Sleeveless, v-neck and just below the knees. It was dangerously low at the front. And it was bewitchingly stunning when I wore it. Didn't get the dress as I was agonising over the pricetag of RM199. What the heck really, next month is my birthday and I deserve to not save any money and go do the mindless shopping.