Tired

I got tired of waiting for him to call me. I got tired of analysing every single detail to death. I got tired of wondering if he's thinking of me whenever my eyebrow twitches. I got tired of wondering if he's thinking of me, this very minute. I got tired of seeing 25 yr old chicks on his friendster's list. I got tired of knowing that he dates the 'model' type. I got tired of his lack of initiative to ask me out. I got tired of his wanting to outside in the humid heat, because he wants to have a fag, everytime we meet for lunch. I got tired of hoping for the moment when he'd ask me out. I got tired of his restless and fidgety self. I got tired of picking up his restless and ungrounded vibes. I got tired of always asking him to lunch, just so I can see him. I got tired of sitting next to him, looking at him and not having him for myself. I got tired of his not having any other interests in life, other than clubbing every weekends. I got tired of his typical yuppie lifestyle- fast cars, clubbing, the latest tech gadget and pretty young things. I got tired of his laziness and his macho ways around his friends. I got tired of his playing the field. I got tired of always trying to see the brighter side of the situation - I'm so LUCKY to not have him in my life. I got tired of knowing where he lives, where he works, the name of his workplace, his home tel. no- all without him telling me. I got tired of rationalising with myself that I'm better off without him in my life. I got tired of willing myself to not think of him. I got tired of waiting for the next man to come along and occupy my life and my mind. I got tired of having this irrepressible urge to tell him what a Dungu he is. I got tired of wanting to tell him how I feel, right now. I got tired of trying to be optimistic here when I'm feeling like shit here. I got tired of feeling like I'm missing out on something by not asking him out, once more. I got tired of wanting him to change his yuppie clubbing ways and hope he'll go find something else to do. I got tired of checking my phone to see if his number is listed under "Missed Calls". I got tired of making peace with my irrational side.

I. Am. So. Tired. Of. Him.