Falling
I received a mass-email from Glenn yesterday, with a link to his Kodakshare webpage. In the email, he wished me (and some other people whom I don't know) a very happy new year.
Two weeks ago, Glenn invited me to his Christmas party at his hometown, Penang. And it was inevitable that I'd have to hitch a 4-hour ride in Mr. J's car to Penang. Not wanting to make things more complicated with Mr. J, I turned down Glenn's offer. I was (and still am) dealing with the breakup.
In Glenn's Kodakshare page, there were photos of the Christmas party which I missed. There was one charming photo of Mr. J cradling this little boy in his arms. The little angel looked around 3 years old. Little angel rested his wee head on Mr. J's shoulders and Mr. J was grinning at the camera.
When I first saw that photo, I smiled. After viewing the rest of the album, I went back to that photo. This time, I noticed tiredness and exhaustion at Mr. J's face. He looked so tired. He had huge, dark underbags. I could instantly tell that his aura was dull and low from the senseless weekly clubbing, drinking and partying. And that troubled me last night.
This morning, I woke up with this huge sad void inside me. And I realise that I'm feeling sad because I didn't feel that tugging of the heart when I saw Mr. J cradling the little boy. I'm sad because I don't miss Mr. J. anymore. I'm sad because he looked so worn out and drained.
I honestly wish I could pick up the phone, right now, and call him. But I don't want to detect weariness concealed by his boistorous laughter. I don't want to see exhaustion behind his boyish grin. I don't want to sense dread behind his updating me on his seemingly happy life.
Seeing him in deep denial with his own reality hurts so bad.
Two weeks ago, Glenn invited me to his Christmas party at his hometown, Penang. And it was inevitable that I'd have to hitch a 4-hour ride in Mr. J's car to Penang. Not wanting to make things more complicated with Mr. J, I turned down Glenn's offer. I was (and still am) dealing with the breakup.
In Glenn's Kodakshare page, there were photos of the Christmas party which I missed. There was one charming photo of Mr. J cradling this little boy in his arms. The little angel looked around 3 years old. Little angel rested his wee head on Mr. J's shoulders and Mr. J was grinning at the camera.
When I first saw that photo, I smiled. After viewing the rest of the album, I went back to that photo. This time, I noticed tiredness and exhaustion at Mr. J's face. He looked so tired. He had huge, dark underbags. I could instantly tell that his aura was dull and low from the senseless weekly clubbing, drinking and partying. And that troubled me last night.
This morning, I woke up with this huge sad void inside me. And I realise that I'm feeling sad because I didn't feel that tugging of the heart when I saw Mr. J cradling the little boy. I'm sad because I don't miss Mr. J. anymore. I'm sad because he looked so worn out and drained.
I honestly wish I could pick up the phone, right now, and call him. But I don't want to detect weariness concealed by his boistorous laughter. I don't want to see exhaustion behind his boyish grin. I don't want to sense dread behind his updating me on his seemingly happy life.
Seeing him in deep denial with his own reality hurts so bad.
posted by Cupcake Queen at 10:40 AM
3 Comments:
Sometimes the best thing we can do as a friend, is to pray. Hang in there, gurl.
What does he say when you tell him this (that he's denying his reality)?
Thanks, anj. I pray that he comes to his senses.
LMD - noone can shake him out his denial except for himself.
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