Friday, December 31, 2004

The end of 2004

A year from now, I couldn't even be bothered with the following:
1. Mr. J - he's obviously not showing any signs of interest in me.
2. Living my life solo and I actually like being a recluse every weekend - I've always felt a sense of shame and guilt whenever people ask me what I'm doing for the weekend.
3. Leaving my old workplace (a huge multinational corporation) with its empty golden career promises and expensive gluttony lunch treats; and coming out on my own.

I'm saying goodbye to the good and the bad of 2004.
The good:
1. Stretching myself, career-wise, by venturing to Singapore for contract work.
2. Taking a chance on Mr. J by calling him out and seeing for myself what's he's really like.
3. Creating healthy habits of drinking red wine and exercising 3 times a week- I have never looked better than before.
4. Finally reading books from the dusty stack of books on my bookshelf, which resulted in a daily reading dose of poetry, essays and the classics.

The bad:
1. Bye, bye Mr. J. - I don't need to hang around him where I'm obviously not going anywhere.

All these years, I've never had New Year's resolution. For I'm already battling with daily resolves to see progress in my career and my life.

So, everybody- may you have a great start to 2005. Hope the next year will be a great year filled with happiness, peace, joy and sucess.

Monday, December 27, 2004

Premonition

A fruit-fly flew right into my mouth and down my throat when I emptied the kitchen bin yesterday morning. I started gagging and coughing, and quickly gargled my throat with tap water. Was totally grossed out and I couldn't eat the whole day yesterday. I mean, I actually felt it stuck at the base of my throat before I gargled it out. Yuck!

Then, in the afternoon, I had my left side of my body zapped when removing the cake mixer plug from the socket. Luckily, my reflexes were quick enough to stop me from death. I felt electric current jolting through my left palm and up my arm before I yelled, out of fright, and dropped the plug. My left palm hurt yesterday- kind of like muscle sprain.

The whole day, I was filled with this huge sense of uneasiness. And out of the blue, I started praying for my loved ones to be alright. Please let those who have gone for a holiday, a safe journey home. Still, I didn't know why I was praying until I switched on the tv, later in the evening.

It was the horrors of the christmas holiday. Tsunami waves killed thousands in Indonesia, India, Sri Lanka and Thailand. There were deaths in Penang and Kedah.

That was the biggest jolt yesterday.

Now, I have to pray.

Saturday, December 25, 2004

In a merry mood..

Ho, ho, ho.. Merry christmas to everyone...

After a week of feeling under the weather with tons of work, Cupcake Queen is back to normalcy. Plus, I've been flying off the rage at every single thing that stood in my way. Whoever stepped on my toes had their toes kena stomped by Cupcake Queen. The mad traffic jam and the crazy crowds everywhere were too much for my already frazzled self.

Today, I realised I've been sweating the small stuff for the past two weeks. Wasted my energies on really small stuff that doesn't even matter right now. Heck, I was threatening to cut my luscious locks short. And a whole lot of stupid things which I was meaning to do, but didn't. Thank god.

Aaah.. Am feeling very contended just being a homebody. Just baked lime sponge squares from Nigella Lawson's 'How to be a Domestic Goddess' and am having Coriander Tandoori Chicken for dinner tonight. ;P

On the plus side, I discovered another Cupcake cookbook- Cupcakes by Elinor Klivans.


Ain't they pretty? :D

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Tired

I got tired of waiting for him to call me. I got tired of analysing every single detail to death. I got tired of wondering if he's thinking of me whenever my eyebrow twitches. I got tired of wondering if he's thinking of me, this very minute. I got tired of seeing 25 yr old chicks on his friendster's list. I got tired of knowing that he dates the 'model' type. I got tired of his lack of initiative to ask me out. I got tired of his wanting to outside in the humid heat, because he wants to have a fag, everytime we meet for lunch. I got tired of hoping for the moment when he'd ask me out. I got tired of his restless and fidgety self. I got tired of picking up his restless and ungrounded vibes. I got tired of always asking him to lunch, just so I can see him. I got tired of sitting next to him, looking at him and not having him for myself. I got tired of his not having any other interests in life, other than clubbing every weekends. I got tired of his typical yuppie lifestyle- fast cars, clubbing, the latest tech gadget and pretty young things. I got tired of his laziness and his macho ways around his friends. I got tired of his playing the field. I got tired of always trying to see the brighter side of the situation - I'm so LUCKY to not have him in my life. I got tired of knowing where he lives, where he works, the name of his workplace, his home tel. no- all without him telling me. I got tired of rationalising with myself that I'm better off without him in my life. I got tired of willing myself to not think of him. I got tired of waiting for the next man to come along and occupy my life and my mind. I got tired of having this irrepressible urge to tell him what a Dungu he is. I got tired of wanting to tell him how I feel, right now. I got tired of trying to be optimistic here when I'm feeling like shit here. I got tired of feeling like I'm missing out on something by not asking him out, once more. I got tired of wanting him to change his yuppie clubbing ways and hope he'll go find something else to do. I got tired of checking my phone to see if his number is listed under "Missed Calls". I got tired of making peace with my irrational side.

I. Am. So. Tired. Of. Him.

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Gay J

I wish he was gay.
So I don't need to feel depreciated
when people tell me I'm
good enough to score any man I like.

I wish he was gay,
so I don't need to dream
horny, wet dreams of
him seducing me
with his hot kisses and
his incredibly masculine hands.

I wish he was gay,
so I don't need to
pray for the next man
to come along and
erase all memories of
him.

I wish he was gay,
so I don't need to
lose face and
tell my friends
that he wasn't
interested in me in the first place.

I do wish he IS gay.

God help me.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Arigato Gozaimas

This afternoon, I went to Midvalley Megamall, even though I've sworn off shopping malls for the next 2 weeks. Sigh! Cupcake Queen never keep to her word. She's got birthday/xmas present to buy, you know.

It's for one of my best friend. LY's birthday is at the end of this month. A few months back, while LY was here, on a visit from Hong Kong, she told me she liked my lipstick colour. It's Bobbi Brown Brownie lipstick with Buff lipgloss. I'm hopeless at buying birthday presents and usually won't bother with them unless I know what the birthday person wants. After all, I give cakes and cookies to friends all year round. :P

I went to the Bobbi Brown counter at Jusco. A salesman promptly attended to me and I told him I'd like to get some lipcolour - Brownie lipstick and Buff lipgloss. Then I saw 'Nude' lipgloss and thought for a second, perhaps I should get LY the Nude lipgloss colour instead. And said, "Hmm, what about Nude?" When I uttered the word Nude, I started to laugh. The words Nude and Buff brought images of buff bodies of male bodybuilders to my mind. Oh, how corny!

I was tittering away and the salesman looked at me bewilderedly. Anyway, I was still tickled after making up my mind to get the Buff lipgloss.

The Bobbi Brown salesman handed the two lipsticks to me and said, "Arigato Gozaimas."

Eh? Huh??????

Now, I wonder if I looked Japanese when I giggle or laugh.

Hmm....

Monday, December 13, 2004

Mall ban

I swear I'm not going to any shopping mall or head to KL city until 2005.

This morning, I drove to Jalan Raja Laut, KL to see my lawyer at 10am. And I was stuck in a bloody traffic jam along the Federal Highway heading to Istana. It was unimaginable. The amount of cars, especially out-of-towners heading to KL. Where on earth are these people heading?

I found that out later in the afternoon, when I went to Midvalley Megamall to do the weekly grocery shopping and banking. Normally, it took me 5 minutes to get a parking spot at Midvalley. Today, I circled a few big rounds in the parking lot for 1/2 hour, looking for a spot. Finally, I saw this woman armed with shopping bags and I quickly wind down and asked where her car was. That was the first time, I had to wind down, put on my sweetest smile and ask very nicely- Excuse me. Can you please tell me where your car is? to get a parking spot.

Sigh! The maddening crowd at Midvalley saw me complete the weekly shopping and banking in a record of 15 minutes. The place was packed with people doing christmas shopping and throngs of out-of-towners.

No more!

I'm staying home until Christmas is over, until everyone has cleared their annual leaves, until the school term starts, until all the out-of-towners have gone home.

There.

Friday, December 10, 2004

Invisible face lift

Last night, I attended a "facial demo" at my friend, Jenn's home. I bumped onto Jenn at a newsagent in 1 Utama a few days ago. I haven't seen her for awhile and asked how she was doing. Then, she proceeded to tell me of this fantastic skincare product that has miraculously cured her cousin's acne problem. Automatically, I quickly picked up a Vogue magazine and started reading.

Jenn was ever persistent to make sure I come over to her place. She even made me promise not to stand her up. When she told me to go to her place to hear all about it and refused to reveal the name of the company, immediately a warning red light flashed over me -"Red alert! Red alert! Evil Multi Level Marketing company ahead!" Still, she rambled on while I was busy reading the Vogue magazine with Jennifer Connelly on the cover. Finally, she stopped rambling and I looked up and said "Yes, I'll be at your place." I only said yes because I was curious to know what was in store.

I arrived early at Jenn's place. I sat around and played with her 2 year old girl while waiting for 'some people' to arrive. First, Jenn's cousin, Dolly came. Yes, the woman with the horrendous skin problem and only recently, found her magic skin bullet with this company's wonderful skincare line. Minutes later, Dolly's upline, Christine arrived.

After introductions and Christine scrutinising me from head to toe, we sat at the dining table and ate curry puffs, nyonya kuihs and drank tea while Dolly began her personal account of her skin dilemma for years - endless visits to beauticians, tons of money wasted, expensive facial treatments that resulted in red, blotchy skin, almost gave up hope, etc., etc. She even assured me theirs was not a multi-level marketing company and they only sell through beauty salons and sales distributors.

Yep, I was ready.

I listened quietly and smiled politely while Dolly went on with her sad, woeful tale of years suffering from acne.

I don't have smooth, flawless skin and my skin occasionally breaks out while surfing the great red tide. Right now, I'm seeing a dermatologist for microdermabrasion treatment where I also get my skincare products (which you can only get at dermatologist clinics). My skin doesn't need desperate help. It's very much under control, thanks to my dermatologist, Dr. A.

Anyway, after Dolly finished her personal account, Christine who was observing me (looking completely unconvinced and uninterested) all the while, proceeded with her own experience as a beautician. She related on how 50 year old aunties have reversed the aging battle with the wonderful skincare products which they were going to demonstrate on me later. Yes, their products can really 'pull up' the skin on the face and neck to make aging skin look younger. Wow!

So, I lied on the sofa for 45 minute while Christine did a full-facial on the right side of my face. The usual ploy is to do facial on one side of the face to constrast the immediate effect of the product used. I listened to Christine droning on how their products use only natural ingredients, no perservatives, no chemicals, only the highest quality natural ingredients are used. She cleansed, applied toner, mask, scrub and moisturiser to the right side of my face.


When done, she told me to look in the mirror and pointed to my right chin and the cheek area on the right side of my nose and asked if I could see how those areas were instantly "lifted". I wanted to laugh out loud but only said calmly, "I don't see any difference." As a result, Christine got flustered and took my hand and ran over to the right side of my face and told me to feel the "difference".

Of course, the right side of my face felt so much smoother and nicer. But I don't see no instant face lift.

I've never heard of this U.S. company. It's called something like 'riding the sun'. When I came home to check the website, it claimed to be a multi-level marketing company.


Aha! So, Christine and Dolly are part of the evil multilevel marketing scheme after all. I knew it!

This morning, I woke up cursing to find two tiny pimples on the right side of my face. Still, I'm amused with Christine and Dolly's evil sales tactics:

1. Use sad, 'hopeless situation' personal account stories.
2. Miracles do happen with their products.
3. Do facial demo on one side of the face.
4. Point out the invisible 'face lift' on face after the facial.
5. Forget about all other skincare products- they are useless and harmful.

Ah, well. They tried. And I went home with nothing but an invisible face lift.

Nyak-hahaha...

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

My DNA stops here

Yesterday, my relos from Seremban came to my house.

So, there we were, at the living room, chatting and I suddenly asked my aunt if she was excited with the arrival of her first grandchild next year, in February. Instead, she shook her head and said just thinking about it gave her a headache. My cousin hasn't made any childcare arrangements and my aunt was reluctance to take care of her grandchild. Simply because she'd spent the last 12 years taking care of my other two cousins and had enough of babysitting.

Oh, well. To which I replied - I shall remain as I am. I'll not get married and I'll not pass on my genes. My genes stop here.

I'm rather suprised with my sudden announcement to not get married. Perhaps, after a disappointing year with Mr.J, I'd become cynical with the whole idea of meeting the right man to marry. I'm afraid I'm turning into an androgynist. Oh, dear. I hope this is just a passing phase after Mr. J.

So, today I made a conscious decision to let go of this fairy tale vision of meeting the right man and get married. I seriously was suffering from "the grass is greener" syndrome when I had a crush on Mr. J earlier this year.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Timely praise

A good friend sent me this. It's written by the american TV commentator, Andy Rooney. I've never heard of him before but I love what he has to say about women over 30:

"A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And it's usually something more interesting.

A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 30 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.

Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

A woman over 30 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Women over 30 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 30. They always know.

A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal.

For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress. Ladies, I apologize."

The last paragraph is so true. Ahahaha...